the extraordinary ordinary

the mundanity of mornings off. 

when you wake up to a late alarm and don’t even bother to wipe crust from your eyes. it’s raining today, and the sound of drops and smell

of earth is potent in your nose. there’s no rush, yet there’s an impending stress to complete works, start projects, think up projects, make 

grocery lists in your mind —

there is little time for silence when thoughts are filling empty spaces. you sit on your bed with morning coffee, looking out onto a

landscape of wet eucalyptus, while nutty aroma licks your face. yet you fail to notice all of this life, this encapsulated and forever bursting

beauty — was all made for you. the train has departed.

you put down your mug and turn on your computer, lost in the iridescent glow of a craved reality which will never arrive.

perfect, such a thing?

so often i spend my writing time editing, going back, re-reading, "perfecting", in an attempt to reach an end result that is not my real truth. instead of blurting out the words onto pages that form so fluidly in my mind, I go back, slash, cut, and paste, reading over and over and over, I try to rearrange these lines and shapes into forms that sound like poetry, whatever that means. but isn't the real truth in the way my fingers hit these keys the first time? there's so much potency in words, especially unedited. the raw thought, in its simplest form. what if I were to leave it as that, and just that, nothing else? before it would have felt that my world was sure to collapse, though now it leaves behind a sense of peace. an honesty I could never achieve before. so here it is, my words and thoughts as they came into my mind, sprawled onto this page.

it seems a large part of the reason I've committed, lacked consistency, and recommitted to this blog has to do with that obsessive need for perfection. at this point I'm ready to say screw it, and let the words fall as they're supposed to, not as I imagine or desire them to. things turn out much clearer and kinder when I'm not molding them to be an image that's fabricated.

lately,

there's not many words I can find to begin this spell of words other than: hello, and wow. my goodness. it has been far too long.

the amount of change and abundance in love I had felt these past few months is exasperating — I've gone through the ringer with my health (all is fine now) which has left me feeling disenchanted with my old ways of thinking. no longer are the small tiffs that consumed my thoughts important, nor worthy of my time. no longer do I want to pass by the stranger sitting on the ground with a turned head. rather I'd like to smile, say hello, show warmth and welcome. I want to express to others how grateful I am to be alive, here, and present in this moment. I want to focus on the big things, not the miniscule. big in the sense of bigger than myself. spreading awareness, compassion, acceptance for all — I can't imagine doing anything better with my time. also big in the sense of letting go of fears, welcoming in creativity, and putting pen to paper, or brush to canvas. 

passion has been ignited in me once again and I am forever grateful to these deep feelings of desire to create. I know not everyone has them. for that I feel I must listen to that feeling and just do it without expecting validation or anything in return. it can take many forms: photographs, paintings, crafts, mixed media, and words. 

words. words are the form I fall back to most often, though I don't often share them with others. it's something I am working towards, though I'll continue with one less-private form, of this blog. I'm moving away from the old blog I had, and thinking of new names for it. there's a shift that has occurred within me, which pulls me towards a different idea and longing. directing the camera at my face is no longer desirable the way it used to be — though there will always be some of that, there's so much more I want to share. I am more than the clothes on my skin and the shoes on my feet. and I would like to release and show that.

bear valley, open air

some old photographs from a hike I did at the beginning of this summer out at bear valley. I've been away from social media for some time, as these past few months have been filled with such immense change. I've felt pain, sadness, sincere happiness and joy, and all the feelings between. but what I've felt the most in these few months is a change within myself. my true self, my soul, my joy, has peeked through from behind the walls I've built since childhood. these emotions are so new and foreign to my adult life, though they feel strangely familiar. familiar in a way that tells me, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. and this is exactly the person I have always been, deep within. it's so easy to live with a false identity, showing the outside world what we think we should be, stomping the flame of our souls true passion and desire.

by no means have I found the calling of life. but what I have found is a road that is slowly leading me towards that day where my heart fully opens, and I am able to let the light in. these past few months have led to a change. the handle has been turned, and the door has begun to crack open. some beams of light have begun to shine in. and I am so excited to keep walking down this path, discovering each day another piece of myself that was buried so long ago.

with gratitude,

danielle ♥ 

miscellany, 4.21

gold septum ring, braindrops // rings, madewell // jackelope necklace, madewell // collared necklace, jewelmint (forever ago) // watch, michael kors // blouse & leggings, romwe // shoes, vintage

Hello, and a happy belated Easter! Lately I've gotten back to mixing prints and colors, this outfit evident of such changes. A warm thank you to Romwe for the blouse and leggings —as a heads up if anyone is interested in these leggings, they are a bit sheer, thus I have to wrap a flannel or hoodie around my waist to avoid any skin shows. 

This semester at school has been hectic, my schedule filled hourly with tasks, commitments and classes. I'm doing my best to keep a clear and kind attitude, not forgetting to care for my creative side. I miss consistent blogging so much, and am hoping to begin posting here more once the semester ends in a few weeks. As always, thank you for reading. I hope you are doing well, and that your Spring season is filled with comfort & beauty. 

xox, danielle

Body as a Tether, 2.14

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It's nice to be back on here, blogging again. It seems that each time I've written a new post (many months parting each one), I've promised that things will be different this time, there will be consistency in my writings. It's taken me awhile to discover, while I may be hoping that the words I'm writing will stay true, life doesn't always work that way. 

This past year has been one focused on growth. Training my thoughts and words to be kinder, more loving. Yes, to others, but also to myself. 

Style blogging is very difficult for me. Snapping photos, editing, writing; this is not the part I struggle with. Having to look at myself through images, eyes clouded with prejudgement of what I should look like, what I don't look like. These are my troubles. I fat shame myself to the ends of earth for the smallest things. My thighs are too wide. My arms are not thin enough. Thigh gaps. Fucking thigh gaps.

My body has been morphing over the past few years, a tree shedding and growing leaves with the changing of seasons. From average, to thin, back up to average. What I choose to consider "fat" when looking at myself. Show me anyone else the same size and I'll tell you that person is beautiful. That woman is perfect. Yet when I look into a mirror, my body morphs into a different form, one I am shameful of. One that I'm afraid to share with others. I've been too self conscious this past year to post images of myself. So I used this time to change my perspective.

I needed this break from blogging. In these months, the self hate I've held for so long has been quieted by words of love and compassion. You're beautiful just as you are, I tell myself. Your thighs are beautiful. Your arms are beautiful. And more importantly, my body is not a reflection of my soul. I need not be so bound by fears of image. How others perceive me, how I perceive myself. 

Things are better now though my thoughts aren't perfect. Surrounded all our lives by media, which tells us how we ought to look if we want to be beautiful, it's hard to replace the old with new thoughts of positivity, acceptance. 

Yet I'm trying. I'm retraining my thoughts. I'm taking care of my body for healths sake, done with attempts to be "thin". I have naturally curvy thighs and hips. I'm ready to accept that.

I know this is something many women struggle with. I hope that if you're reading this, my words resonate with you. Medias negative portrayal of females is expansive. While it would be nearly impossible to change all of that, one this is for certain. Our minds can be transformed to view ourselves and other females as beautiful, just as we are.

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These photos were taken in the front yard of my new apartment. I now live with my boyfriend in San Anselmo, a quaint town that is coated in sunlight, flowers and bay trees. My favorite place I've ever lived.

Thanks to Mart of China for this sweater, it has become a staple in my closet. I have to force myself not to wear it everyday.

scarf, secondhand // sweater, c.o. mart of china // velvet dress, u.o (old) // roper boots, secondhand, ebay

I love all of you, and hope to be sharing my thoughts with you as the year moves forward. Thanks for taking the time to read.